Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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