They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
