just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
