Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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