i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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