if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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