The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize