butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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