the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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