Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
