woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
