So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
