I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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