im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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