he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
