My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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