Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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