Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
