life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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