no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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