Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize