People in love make me want to vomit
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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