I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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