His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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