i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize