I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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