Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
