im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
