I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
