Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
