mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
