I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
