I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
