i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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