Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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