I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
