One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
