We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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