I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
