Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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