every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
