so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
