he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
