So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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