Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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