It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
