9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
