I have demons in me.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
