He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
