When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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