I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
