upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
