ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
