Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
