Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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