Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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