Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize