Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
