his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
