ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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