In the future we'll all be gay
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
