Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
