Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
