elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize