I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
