That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
