Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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