her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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