We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
