I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
