Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my being single is dangerous.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
