around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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