....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
