I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize