I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
