Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
