He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
