My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
