Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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