you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
