My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
