i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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