Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
