The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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