....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize