i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
