so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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