I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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