my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize