Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
