yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
