my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fuck appropriateness.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
