Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
