You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
