Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
