My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
