I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
