Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
