Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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